This week has been really rough. I know for the most part I have been pretty optimistic lately and my posts are usually very positive, this one may be a bit more raw. I don't know where it came from but I started googling things, things that happened to Noah, all his symptoms, the weird blood test results he had in his first days of life. Google is bad. Very bad. I know this from experience because I spent the first year of Noah's life trying to get some answers and got a Phd from Doctor Google himself. So all this manic, hormonal driven googling got a little out of control. I had horrible insomnia, throwing up, not eating, crying...fun times. I was so sure something is wrong with Noah and will pop up at any moment....and it will all also happen to this baby as well.
Anxiety?
PTSD?
You think???
After some soul searching and a talk with my husband I have stayed away from google, and I am trying to believe in the power of positive thinking. This will not happen again. Noah albeit a medical mystery is thriving and is perfect. This is what I have to hold on to. Last night I had a dream and while I can't remember the details my grandmother was in it. My grandmother always comes to my dreams when I need her and there she was, I am taking it as a sign that things will be o.k.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
Navigating the unexpected twists and turns of motherhood
Baby Blessing
Miracle Man
Noah's Story
For as long as I can remember I have wanted to be a mom. Finding out I was pregnant in March of 2007 was the most wonderful time in my life. The future seemed so bright and the possibilities endless. We were young, happy and healthy- nothing could possibly go wrong..until it did.
On November 10th, 2007 at 3:50 am my bouncing baby boy came into the world pink and screaming. 10 fingers, 10 toes, big feet and a head full of dark hair. We joked he would be a soccer player with those feet and all was well in the world...until it wasn't.
about 4 hours after birth while waiting in the nursery for his bath, Noah Joseph stopped breathing. A nurse looked over and saw my baby who was once pink was now grey. Noah was rushed to the NICU all the while having apnea episodes. A CAT scan revealed a severely swollen brain and an EEG done later that night showed seizure activity.
The once bright and promising future was now filled with pessimistic doctor's, fear and sorrow. The day my son was born was the worst day of my life and the best day of my life all wrapped in to one confusing package.
Since Noah was born without any signs of trauma it was immediately thought that he had a metabolic condition although tests subsequently ruled this out. Within two days Noah's brain was no longer swollen and his EEG was normal. An MRI done was normal as well and we were sent home with no answers and the dreaded "wait and see".
What followed was post partum depression, anger, sadness but also the most intense and beautiful love I have ever known.
Becoming a parent is not at all what I expected but it's the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. 2 years later Noah is the happiest, thriving, typical 2 year old boy with no signs that his brain injury will ever slow him down. He is my miracle.
Welcome to Par(ent)adise
About Me
- Mommy07
- NY
- Wine drinking, picture taking, social working, Noah & Rowen loving, husband nagging- in no particular order
No comments:
Post a Comment