32 weeks!

I can't believe I am 32 weeks pregnant. I can't believe baby Rowen is almost here. I can't believe I am going to a mom of two, let alone two boys . Life in it's perfectly unplanned finest! I have started with the insomnia, which creeps it way in at around 2am and lingers until about 4am. Between the heartburn, nausea, and weird numb crotch I have going on it makes it almost impossible for me to get a good night sleep. During these late night insomnia fests I have found my mind wandering to a million + 1 different places. These range from the whole brain swelling, neonatal seizure fears of Noah's past to the more mainstream how is Noah going to handle a sibling entering our home. I must say it's starting to get mentally exhausting. I hate to "rush life" and while I am notorious for doing this I just really want Rowen here already. Gone are the sunshine and rainbow pregnancy days of 2007, this time I am ready to be done with a healthy newborn in my arms!

I have grown so anxious lately about Noah and his feelings. He is becoming such a little person, talking in 4-5 word sentences and is such a mama's boy. Despite all the drama and tension my husband and I have had over the years we really are very close knit, very affectionate and very happy in our little trio. I know that Rowen is a blessing and will be such a great addition but it's all just very scary! I don't want Noah to ever feel unloved or second best, I don't want him to feel sad. Couple this with the fears that something will go wrong during labor and I am just a hormonal train wreck. May 24th can not come soon enough!

Wonderful World

This weekend was perfect, after last weeks fiasco it was such a welcome ending to a crazy week. The weather was near 70, we went to the zoo, for ice cream, for a hike, played in the yard and I even got some new pictures of Noah even if I needed to photoshop the heck out of his bruised head ( although his bangs did cover most of it!). I must have stopped and thought how lucky and truly blessed we are to have such a spirited, feisty little miracle entrusted to us. I am starting to get extremely sappy about our growing family. I am savoring every last drop of having Noah as an only child...but as my husband likes to remind me, we are giving him a best friend and what could be better than that.

Spring is here- 3-20-10!

I realize I will look back on pictures of my child wearing a teal and yellow argyle/plaid outfit and ask what in the hell was I thinking....but for now I can still dress him in silly get ups and take cute pictures of him, for now he is still my handsome little man! Happy Spring!!!!!

Memories

Yesterday when Noah woke up his eyes looked "funny" to me, my husband disagreed so we went on with our morning routine. When I dropped Noah off at daycare the woman immediately stated that he had "sleepy eyes". I was so glad someone else saw what I was seeing! Upon further inspection we realized it wasn't his eyes but the area between his eyes on his forehead was swollen, causing his eyes to appear smaller. I immediately panicked. This was not where his knot was from falling or where he hit his head, the actual bruised spot is to the right and up much higher. I called the pediatrician and we were seen that afternoon. The ped initially thought the hematoma had spread causing the swelling but upon inspection thought he felt a fracture. A fracture on my baby's head- his poor head. I felt sick. I am almost 31 weeks pregnant and needed to take him back to the hospital for an x-ray but being pregnant, I couldn't go in with him. I was alone. Cue breakdown number 1. My husband came and met me at the hospital, the dreaded hospital where Noah was born. The NICU hospital. The place I hate even the sight of. So yeah, that was fun. The memories all came flooding back as did the sick to your stomach, knot in your belly, want to run and hide feelings. Noah did well and the good news is his skull is NOT fractured- thank god!!!! But the whole situation brought that nightmare back, those feelings I thought were gone but now realize are just buried a little deeper than they use to be. I am so scared to have Rowen and to see more of those feelings resurface. This was just such a slap in the face. All I can do right now is be thankful my little boy is o.k. and take deep breathes....and enjoy the spring sunshine.

30 weeks and a 1st for Noah

Yesterday I was 30 week pregnant with Rowen Frank- Crazy how time flies! Thus far:

still up only 15 pounds!

still can't poop

Having a ton of braxton hicks but got checked out and everything is looking a-ok!

Starting to get that "pregnancy fat face" look

still only one very teeny little stretchmark ( let's see how long that lasts)

Rowe is still breech!

To top off 30 weeks Noah earned his first trip to the ER last night. My husband "flies" Noah to bed each night (i.e. acts like an airplane and they go soaring up the stairs while he tosses and spins him). So last night, after my husband tossed him, he tripped and only half caught Noah. Noah hit the stairs w/the right side of his head/forehead and with in seconds the biggest goose egg I have ever laid eyes on appeared on my precious babies little noggin. We rushed him to the ER where I was sobbing, wearing my PJ's, mascara all over my face( aka big hot mess) and the nurses laughed at us. Apparently large goose eggs on toddlers heads aren't as dramatic as we had assessed. After some ice, a pupil check and some sponge bob stickers we were sent on our way ( with a 200$ co-pay that is) . I have lost another 10 years off my life and Daddy is so guilt stricken he feels sick. Rest assured there will be no more baby/toddler/kid tossing in my house. I guess I better get used the ER with two growing boys!

Judgement Day

Saturday we went to Baby's R Us- my mother, Noah and I. Noah is going through a stage where he wants something every single time we go in a store. While I am partially to blame for this newest phenomena my mother is the guiltiest culprit.

Mi Mi + Baby's R Us= disaster.

I had insisted Noah stay home with my father so that we could get Rowen a few things. Noah started to pitch a fit when we were leaving, crying and yelling STOOOOORRREEEE. Guess who go their way? The whole ride I prepped my mom on how we would handle him. No toys. Ignore pouting/whining. Nothing prepared me for the monster he became after a few short minutes in that store! This tantrum put the Target tantrum ( see below post) to shame.

Picture this: Packed store, they are doing some sort of baby event. My husbands pregnant coworker happens to be there as does a person I went to high school with and have not seen in 10 years. Droves of people. Noah wants a buzz lightyear bath toy. He already has said Buzz Lightyear bath toy. Tantrum begins. I ask my mother for the keys so that I could take Noah to the car while she went on line with our stuff. Noah is kicking, screaming, hitting, flailing, wriggling away from me. I am 30 weeks pregnant. People on all ends are staring. Judging. Or at least that is what I felt like they were doing. Noah is screaming BUZZZ LIIIGGGHHHTYEEAR in between heaving sobs. By the time I got him to the car which seemed miles away ( it was also POURING) I had to practically restrain him in order to buckle him in his seat. The sobs and screaming continued for about 10 minutes. It was awful.

When Noah stopped he was splotchy and just so so sad looking. He said "sorry" over and over and asked for his milk. I went from being furious to feeling terribly guilty. Was I a mean mama? Later that night during bath time we talked about it. Noah said " Noah sad, mommy not nice". I tried to rationalize the situation with him but after all, he is only 2. One day at a time, One tantrum at a time!

Room for Love

I have never ever wondered how I would love a second child as much as I love Noah, that is a given. Noah has swelled my heart so big I could love a whole village o.k. maybe hamlet of children. So what am I worried about??

- snuggles in bed with the three of us, is there room for four?

-hide and go seek under a blanket on the couch after work- how will I do this while I need to breastfeed the baby?

- Trips to the park, running after Noah with a newborn?

-Will Rowen's cries wake Noah at night?

and the worst yet.....

Will Noah think we love him less????

All these questions swirling through my mind in preparation for "the sequel" to arrive. Sometimes I even cry at the prospect. The worry. Will my head explode? Then I remind myself of the blessing and the love, and the fun that we will have with these TWO boys! Then my tears turn to ones of joy....

Journey

3 years ago today I found out I was pregnant with Noah. Sometimes it feels like yesterday but most of the time I feel like I have been a mom forever. You can never fathom how much your life will change once you start having children, it's a process that all new parents go through. What a long, crazy, wonderful, fun journey it has been. Noah has taught me so much about life, myself, my husband and of course about love.

I was going to write a really sappy post about being a "boy mom", and then a quick update on my best friends baby shower tomorrow....however not too long ago I had a real "parentdise" moment.

Noah is officially banned from Target. This really does suck since I love Target and frequent there err about 3-4 times a week. Somehow, in Noah's 2 year old brain he has equated Target with getting something. anything. If Noah does not get something immediately upon entering the store ( i.e. the nice dollar bin of goodies located right in front) he starts whining, which as we continue on turns into yelling which then turns into a fervent scream and attempt to get out of the cart. This is when it gets really ugly and I am usually only about 1/4 way through my shopping adventure.

Today was particularly ugly. Being 29 weeks pregnant, tired, hungry, about to pee my pants, coupled with this display of 2 year old lunacy almost sent me over the edge. I say almost because as much as I wanted to cry, scream, curse, throw things and kick them too.....I didn't. People on all ends were staring at me- as if their kids never did this. I also held back my extreme urge to give them all the finger. With dignity I waited on line, paid for my stuff and even said thanks to the cashier.

If it couldn't get much worse, it did. Noah decided to turn his legs into Jello and refused to walk. So I picked him up, screaming and kicking, dragging my bags and my big ol' belly and I walked across the parking lot like a rock star....albeit a slightly insane one.

So good by saturday morning Target trips. It's been fun.

Cheese

I have wanted to change my blog around for some time now but my ideas for what I want it to be like and about always change. I love having a place to vent, a place to share things I can't share anywhere else. Sometimes I sound like a broken record, a lot of the time I feel like people have no idea what my point is or what I am even talking about but just having a blank space to write the details of my mind helps me to sort things out. Like everyone else's life, mine is constantly changing and evolving and right now I am in the midst of an uber-change, adding to our family. In a way I am looking at Rowen's birth to somehow be a moving on point for me, for us, and in a lot of ways I know that this is not fair, that his birth should be solely that and should hold not expectations. Anyhow- I want to start blogging for my family and friends as well, to update them on the boys and the many many happy and "normal" moments that we share. What goes through my mind about pregnancy and childbirth and Noah's arrival is private to me and I don't like sharing those details with people I face everyday. So I may keep two blogs, I may switch to just one, I am still not sure. I am sure of the overwhelming and suffocating love I have for that toothy little guy pictured above. He is getting so big and too smart for his own good. Staring at a miracle every single day is so uplifting. Look at that GRIN???I think we should start saving for braces now =)

28 weeks

Pregnancy stats so far:

15 pounds gained

1 tiny stretch mark found on lower belly

Horrible heartburn

Can't take a poop to save my life

Craving sweets

Awful headaches

Rowen moves a lot more "chill" than Noah did

Rowen is also always either breech or transverse ( sideways), he likes keeping me on my toes already!

Took my 1 hour glucose test today....

My boobs are becoming larger than cantaloups

Planning a water birth

Loving my belly but can't wait for my healthy little man to be in my arms

Spring, it's almost sprung!

We are coming out of an almost week long snow storm, started last Tuesday night and finally ended on Sunday. We had a ton of snow, rain and ice which left literally the entire 3 surrounding counties without power. So I had a few days off from work, and oddly enough my hubby's job didn't have power so he was home too. My husband is a workaholic so having him home with us was a rare treat. And while I almost went insane from my lack of internet, cable and hot water all in all it was a fun week. We took Noah sledding and built a snow man, those were the highlights. Thankfully it cleared up enough on Sunday for us to go see Sesame Street Live- Noah is still talking about Elmo and Zoe, we love watching the magic in his eyes even if it was semi-torturous to sit through =)

So March definitely did come in like a lion but I am hoping the little lamb will peak through by the end of the month. I can not believe that it is March, with spring on the horizon it means that baby time is coming sooner than later. I have been spending my nights awake, thinking about how the heck I am going to do this with two little guys or how am I going to spread the love??? I am so scared that Noah will not fair well with the transition and yet I am so ready to meet the little person growing inside of me! Spring....I am ready for you!