Randomness

• I just noticed the corn plant we bought while still dating is practically dead. Poor plant, no one remembered to water him in all the chaos we now call life. So now he is brown and dry, and will probably be thrown out when we move. 
• To my delight I discovered sparkling white zinfandel this weekend. Albeit not a "fine" wine by any standards, but refreshing and gives a good buzz.
• I *heart* baby einstein
• Noah is getting MORE teeth, if that is possible. He was up all night....so was I. Which means I now have a teething hangover and need more sparkling white zinfandel this evening to cope. Oh, and biting my nipples during breast-feeding is Noah's new trick, SO not funny!
• For all my fellow children of the 80's, the 90210 spinoff starts on tuesday, I am seriously excited which is very sad. 
• I am starting to plan Noah's 1st birthday party and have concocted the perfect recipe for a " Noahtini" - stay tuned =) 

Juggling Act

I don't talk about my husband in this blog because I feel in a way it's a breach of his privacy since he doesn't even know this blog exists. 

My husband and I have really had a strain on our marriage lately. We celebrate our 3rd anniversary on 10-1-08 but have been together for 9 years ( I was 18 when we met!) This year have been trying for many reasons, it has really tested us. We are different. Better for it in some ways, and also less innocent and naive. 

 While parenthood has been a blessing for us both, I am beginning to wonder if a father feels the emotions that a mother does. Throughout the ups and downs of this year our coping mechanisms were insanely different. We have not been on the same page. Communication was a major issue. So I emailed him, figuring that would be a great way to get all my points across without all the added yelling and tears that a face to face encounter would bring. It worked! I was actually heard! So I think e-mail is the way to go from now on, as 21st century and non personal as that may sound. 

How do we balance our husband and our child? How do you not get lost in the process? Such a juggling  act. Is there really enough time in the day for it all?  I am hoping to jacuzzi tub in our new house help...  ;) 

Breathe...

I always knew, assumed, had heard- Motherhood is hard work.  However, with or without the added drama that surrounded the birth of my first child, I am learning day but day that hard just doesn't seem to cut it when describing what it means to me a mom. 

Motherhood is overwhelming. It is tiring. it takes your breathe away. Motherhood is beautiful, it is inspiring, it consumes you. 

I knew that I would be tired from lack of sleep, from feedings, from lugging all the baby gear around, from the bathing, the dressing, the daily grind. What I didn't know was that I would be tired from thinking about this little person 24/7, that my mind would never rest from the daily worry, the daily joy. 

I have read about others finding balance. Let's just say I need to work on this one. I find my marriage suffering, my personal life suffering, friendships suffering, work suffering. Pretty much everything else comes 2nd to Noah and I need to figure out a way to revamp my daily routine. 

I saw this little sign that says " One day at a time". I need to buy  this and put one up in my office, and one in my home. I tend to focus on the big picture which is probably why I get so overwhelmed in the first place. 

So breathe..... 

One day at a time......

Baby Love

When I didn't think I could love Noah any more, I woke up and yup, my love grew.

He is turning into his own little person. Albeit with a stubborn streak and a wicked temper, but it is just amazing to watch his personality unfold.

A few days ago I was getting frustrated with his lack of interest in eating. I wiped off his face with a paper towel ( which he hates) and looked up to see him shooting me the most evil, snotty little look. It made my day. God help me when he is 14!!!

I am so proud of Noah, it's been a hell of a year for all of us....the stress of having a baby, the birth, building this house, moving in about a month, what a whirlwind! But Noah is my constant, my sidekick, my love!

Oh and the picture is in honor of the Olympics....

do I see a future in gymnastics perhaps?

The Food War

Noah is a picky eater....to say the least.

We are in a full fledged food battle, me against Noah. Prunes and yogurt is my weapon of choice, Noah's strategy, to clamp his mouth shut.

Noah never liked rice cereal but he was eating fruits and veggies...not like a champ, but we could get 1/2 jar down him. In the past month he started to love yogurt, prunes, and sweet potatoes. I was giving him a whole yogurt and at least a jar of baby food a day. Around the same time Noah also weened himself off a bottle and will only drink my milk out of a cup ( I breast-feed at night and when I'm not working). 

Things were going well until we went away for a few days last week.

Now Noah REFUSES to eat solids and spits them out. He isn't really even eating his puffs which he used to love. It is driving me CRAZY, especially since he is such a peanut to begin with.

Any suggestions, I am at my wits end!!!!!

Whirlwind of doctors this week...

So yesterday was the 9 month neurology appointment. Once more I grilled him for the "what happened" answer and once more he smiled and told me all he/we could do is guess- we won't ever know. Neuro man assured me it probably wasn't genetic, that they were really only concerned about it being a metabolic issue and since that checked out, I shouldn't worry.

I love how they tell me not to worry.

He was impressed with Noah. He repeated over and over that he wasn't worried and assumes he will be fine. He even said he thinks he will be walking by the next appointment in November and then we will be done with him, hopefully forever. 

Light at the end of the tunnel perhaps? Did we dodge a bullet?..... I am hopeful.

Released from genetics!

So as everyone assumed, the"problem" probably is not a genetic issue, but rather something transient, a fluke if you will. My mom and I took Noah today, he checked out fine. Noah is still tiny ( 16 pounds 9 ounces) but long at 28.5 inches. He did have some elevated liver number which apparently was even higher last time ( thanks for telling his mother) so he did need more blood taken but the doc said it was probably from an infection he had at some point and since the number was decreasing in April this means it was probably clearing up. 

So no answers, maybe an infection in the womb?

We won't ever know....

Neurology this week as well. Noah is standing and attempting to walk holding on to a pull toy- hopefully he will be an earlier walker so we can be released from neurology as well.

I booked a photo session for Noah's first birthday, a little early, in October. I am so excited, I can't believe he is almost ONE!!!! 

Where do I blog from here...

as I've said in the past, I use this blog as my journal. I like to writer, erase, start over. Write, erase, start over. It's much more comfortable and "safer" than paper- unless you shred it that is. 

I haven't been in to blogging much lately. Summer days are busy, we are getting ready to move, Noah is growing and thriving, I am getting back some of the "old" me, normalcy is somewhat wafting and waning in.

Noah has another round of check ups coming up- they also waft in every three months and usually send me into a tailspin of anxiety and sadness. However, the older Noah gets he is presenting as any "run of the mill" 9 month old, so this anxiety and sadness decreases every time. I can not say enough how much I can not wait until Noah is walking and we no longer have to follow up with specialists!

So as for the blog, not sure if I am going to continue or not. I will just write what I feel, when I feel like it. I started this blog to find someone, somewhere, that had a similar story. When you go through a trauma, you want to find ccomrodory , someone who has been there and knows exactly what you are feeling. I still have not found a story like Noah's. I am starting to be o.k. with that and moving forward, Noah is special and unique, and he is a miracle, and I guess that is all I need to know. So from now on I will just writer what I want, when I want. I can erase, go back, go forward, and just let out what is on my mind! 

Noah is 9 months today by the way- I had him in my womb for as long as he has been with me on this earth!