x2

Yesterday I was about ready to puke or breathe into a paper bag waiting for my appointment. I envisioned seeing a tiny beating heart and just being on cloud nine for the rest of the day. Don't get me wrong, seeing that peanut and that little flicker was wonderful, such a relief and a blessing. I drove and met my mother to pick up Noah. He was very very cranky due to his lack of napping. I was tired and hungry and had a 45 minute drive home. On the way my husband informed me he would be working late. Really trivial things but enough to send my hormones raging. I was in a "funk" for the rest of the evening.
Since we all have a bad cold, I was up tossing and turning most of the night. During one of my mid-night wake ups I started thinking about the day and how my mood turned. It was then that I got thinking how scary having two children is. I mean, with what we have been through with number one I am petrified to do this again. Seeing that little beating heart brought it all into reality- we are really having another baby! How will I have enough love, patience, time, energy, the list goes on and on. As I lay there panicking I had to keep talking myself "down", it will all work out, it will all be ok. I know in reality this is probably true and the odds of another traumatic birth are slim but it's still scary and still enough to keep me squirming!