Saturday, December 5, 2009

Fear

It happened, suddenly and with no warning. I was up late, watching "Mystery Diagnosis". Before I even go on I should add, I should never.ever.be.watching.this.show. Especially when pregnant. It sucked me in, a little girl born with cataracts, she had tremors and developmental delays. No one could diagnose her. Mom gets pregnant with baby number two, everyone assures her this baby will be ok. He is born with cataracts. I lost it. Logically I know Noah is showing no symptoms, that the symptoms he had at birth miraculously resolved and we have moved on without an issue since. He did have elevated liver enzymes at about 6 months which no one could really explain other than he may have had a virus, but that still nags at me. What if this baby is born with a swollen brain and seizures and apnea issues? It would not only rip my heart out but it would mean something is wrong with Noah. In the show it turned out that the kids both had a very rare genetic syndrome with a live expectancy of seven, seven. That poor mama.

So since that show I have been so very fearful. Honestly I want to enjoy being pregnant but I can not wait for May to get here and for me to pop out a 100% percent healthy baby, I need to breathe a sigh of relief. For now, I will be staying away from discovery health and google....fear is a wasteful emotion isn't it?

1 comment:

Amy said...

I can relate to that fear, though it has been a while since I have thought about it. I have a 13 year old born with multiple issues and still has a Syndrome Without A Name, she was my oldest. I went on to have two more healthy children, but the fear was very real since we didn't know what the cause of my daughters issues were. However like you had seen everyone isn't as fortunate. Hang in there and try to enjoy.