Yesterday Rowen turned one month. I have been meaning to write something everyday but I have so much going on in my head it's hard to find the words. What a crazy, busy, wonderful, stressful month it has been. How do you describe it?
Noah is having some "difficulties" adjusting to big brotherhood. He is wonderful and loving to Rowen, it's Mommy is he is taking it all out on. I spend my day's yelling at and then hugging and kissing Noah. I feel so horribly guilty when I have to yell at him but sometimes I just don't know what else to do. Where is my manuel on this one??? Aside from this our transition into parenthood of two has been very smooth, Rowen is a dream baby ( if only he would sleep more than 2.5 hours at night!) and we are loving every second of his sweet newborness...although maybe he is officially not a newborn as of yesterday?
I am so overjoyed regarding how "easy" it's all been, it's what I hoped and wished and prayed for all of these months. I can not believe what a different parent I am to Rowen, I worry about a gazillion notches less, I am easy going and happy. I am an excited proud new mother. I have been thinking a lot in the past month of how I was cheated of all these feelings with Noah and it makes me sad. I am not angry. I am not bitter. Just sad. It's a bit of a selfish feeling especially since we are so lucky to have Noah be who he is today, but I still worry excessively about him and often wonder if that is how I will always be with him?
I am taking this motherhood of 2 (SONS!) thing day by day, doing the best I can and (trying) not to over think everything.
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Navigating the unexpected twists and turns of motherhood
Baby Blessing
Miracle Man
Noah's Story
For as long as I can remember I have wanted to be a mom. Finding out I was pregnant in March of 2007 was the most wonderful time in my life. The future seemed so bright and the possibilities endless. We were young, happy and healthy- nothing could possibly go wrong..until it did.
On November 10th, 2007 at 3:50 am my bouncing baby boy came into the world pink and screaming. 10 fingers, 10 toes, big feet and a head full of dark hair. We joked he would be a soccer player with those feet and all was well in the world...until it wasn't.
about 4 hours after birth while waiting in the nursery for his bath, Noah Joseph stopped breathing. A nurse looked over and saw my baby who was once pink was now grey. Noah was rushed to the NICU all the while having apnea episodes. A CAT scan revealed a severely swollen brain and an EEG done later that night showed seizure activity.
The once bright and promising future was now filled with pessimistic doctor's, fear and sorrow. The day my son was born was the worst day of my life and the best day of my life all wrapped in to one confusing package.
Since Noah was born without any signs of trauma it was immediately thought that he had a metabolic condition although tests subsequently ruled this out. Within two days Noah's brain was no longer swollen and his EEG was normal. An MRI done was normal as well and we were sent home with no answers and the dreaded "wait and see".
What followed was post partum depression, anger, sadness but also the most intense and beautiful love I have ever known.
Becoming a parent is not at all what I expected but it's the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. 2 years later Noah is the happiest, thriving, typical 2 year old boy with no signs that his brain injury will ever slow him down. He is my miracle.
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About Me
- Mommy07
- NY
- Wine drinking, picture taking, social working, Noah & Rowen loving, husband nagging- in no particular order
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