The last 2 weeks have been a whirlwind and have honestly flown by. I am trying to savor every ounce of Rowen's "newborness" (just in case he is my last newborn!) all while living on little sleep and having a very "inquisitive" 2.5 year old. If I could sum it up in one word it would be GREAT. No really. It's been great. I have such a sense of peace after his birth, I am so so so thankful. I have also found a peace with Noah's journey. It's been very healing. On top of that dynamic, I have a beautiful, cuddly, chubby, sweet, healthy baby boy in my arms. How could it not be great? As I sit here, breastfeeding Rowen, sipping my coffee and waiting for Noah to yell out "Mommmmmmyyyyy, come get me" from his bed I am happier than I have been in a long time.
As for my relationship with my husband? It's been great too. We are closer, we are connected again, we are living in our happy moment together. Such a shame what happened on 11/10/07, how it ripped us a part for a while, how it affected my ability to parent my firstborn son, how it sunk me into a deep and dark place. However today, on 6/1/10 I can say that we all made it to the other side in one piece and that in itself is a miracle.
Things aren't perfect, they never will be. ever. But they are as pretty close to perfect as we can get. Noah is growing and is smarter everyday. He is a comedian, the things that come out of his mouth are hilarious. I will never stop looking at Noah with wonderment and awe. Rowen is such a sweetie, I sense he will be my "quiet" one...I look forward to watching him grow into his own little person and don't doubt I will look at him with the same awe that takes my breathe away with Noah.
This isn't the end of our story, it's only just begun. I look forward to turning the page, changing chapters and finding out what happens next.
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Navigating the unexpected twists and turns of motherhood
Baby Blessing
Miracle Man
Noah's Story
For as long as I can remember I have wanted to be a mom. Finding out I was pregnant in March of 2007 was the most wonderful time in my life. The future seemed so bright and the possibilities endless. We were young, happy and healthy- nothing could possibly go wrong..until it did.
On November 10th, 2007 at 3:50 am my bouncing baby boy came into the world pink and screaming. 10 fingers, 10 toes, big feet and a head full of dark hair. We joked he would be a soccer player with those feet and all was well in the world...until it wasn't.
about 4 hours after birth while waiting in the nursery for his bath, Noah Joseph stopped breathing. A nurse looked over and saw my baby who was once pink was now grey. Noah was rushed to the NICU all the while having apnea episodes. A CAT scan revealed a severely swollen brain and an EEG done later that night showed seizure activity.
The once bright and promising future was now filled with pessimistic doctor's, fear and sorrow. The day my son was born was the worst day of my life and the best day of my life all wrapped in to one confusing package.
Since Noah was born without any signs of trauma it was immediately thought that he had a metabolic condition although tests subsequently ruled this out. Within two days Noah's brain was no longer swollen and his EEG was normal. An MRI done was normal as well and we were sent home with no answers and the dreaded "wait and see".
What followed was post partum depression, anger, sadness but also the most intense and beautiful love I have ever known.
Becoming a parent is not at all what I expected but it's the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. 2 years later Noah is the happiest, thriving, typical 2 year old boy with no signs that his brain injury will ever slow him down. He is my miracle.
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About Me
- Mommy07
- NY
- Wine drinking, picture taking, social working, Noah & Rowen loving, husband nagging- in no particular order
2 comments:
You sound so happy and peaceful =)
Congrats on the new baby! It is amazing how healing a new birth can be after such a traumatic one!
I am just visiting your blog after you commented on mine. I can completely understand you, and your feelings. Your told all these horrid things, your child is developing normally, and yet you are still waiting for that other shoe to drop.
I will be checking back often!
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