a baby, maybe?

The whole "when to have another" thing has been on my mind practically since Noah was born. I am ashamed to admit this but immediately after all the trauma that occurred with his birth, I felt I needed to get pregnant again. In hindsight it was as if I was looking for a do-over. Logically and rationally I can now see how utterly and totally unhealthy that would have been but in the midst of all my craziness it sounded good.

So now we are past that. Wheewww. Thinking more clearly and I said more because I never think completely clearly, I have a little plan devised in my head. My husband and I actually had a great talk about this last night and it got me thinking. So what is our plan? Enjoy the spring and summer as a family of three. We live in a great area, nestled in the mountains or "gunks" as they are referred to by the locals. We jog, we bike..or we did anyway before pregnancy and kids took their toll on our bodies! We want to get back to that, and a big ol' belly and/or morning sickness definitely doesn't fit in with that plan. I would also like to enjoy a margarita or three this summer and possibly even reach for the impossible dream of wearing a bikini again ( although I was one of those woman who did this when they were 8 month pregnant!) In August hopefully I will be ready, refreshed, and gearing up for what will probably be the most nerve wracking 40 weeks of my life!

When I think about pregnancy this time around it makes my heart flutter. I am so nervous. Nervous actually doesn't even describe it. In a way I am angry. Angry at this being my "pregnancy experience" although the "big girl" in me knows this is selfish, pregnancy is about the baby not about an "experience". So onward we trek, and until August only "safe sex" for me =)