Things that make you go hmm...

I like to think of myself as a good person. I think I am kind, hell I am a social worker who makes crappy money and deals with a lot of crazy stuff. I like my job. I have never committed any (major) crimes ( haha). I love my family, my husband, my baby. I think I am a good friend. See...there you have it, a good person. 

So when I got a crazy response from an old friend on facebook ( I am so cool, my first facebook fight), I was taken aback and can't seem to shake it. I will give you come background info: This girl who I will call "J" and I were really close friends in high school and the beginning of college. J actually introduced me to my hubby and set us up. I started dating my husband, she got heavy into the party scene and we grew apart, still keeping in touch. A few years went by and we hadn't spoken in about a year. I bump into J at the mall and we reconnect. I get engaged. J is a bridesmaid in my wedding. A year later J is a bridesmaid in my best friends wedding. So from about 2004 until september 2006 J and I remain friends, not really close but in contact sporadically. Then she sort of fell off the face of the planet. March 2007 I find out I am pregnant. It was really awkward calling J since we hadn't spoken in about 5 months. I e-mail J telling her I am pregnant and we need to connect. I never hear back from her. My brother runs into J at a bar about 5 months later and she tells him what a bitch i was for never telling her about my pregnancy. J claims she never got my e-mail. At the time I was pissed, I tried to make amends with her but she kept insisting I never e-mailed her, which I did. I bump into her in the mall (again) when I am about 8 months pregnant. She starts crying, asks me when my shower is because she wants to come. This is the shitty part. My shower was the weekend BEFORE. On the spot I lied and told her I sent her an invite, it was the weekend before. I assumed she didn't want to come because she was mad. It was an obvious lie but I didn't know what to say. 

I promised to call J when I had Noah, and I honestly had all intentions to do so but then well...Noah's birth took an unexpected detour causing me to crash off my rocker and well, you know the rest. So a couple days ago I was thinking about J, the past, and sent her a message on facebook asking her to give me a call, I wanted I catch up. Her response shocked me. It was cold, nasty, and downright mean. I literally wanted to cry. It really made me think...am I a bad, selfish person? Did having Noah and being pregnant consume my every being and make me self centered? Time for some self reflection!