Glass half empty gal marries boy who lives in a plastic bubble. This makes for an interesting union.
I have been thinking about the saying " Too blessed to be stressed", it's my new mantra. I try try try to let this lead me to eternal bliss but unfortunately it's not that simple.
Another new revelation: It's not just about Noah. I have spent the last 19.5 months "blaming" every ounce of anger, sadness, joy, tear, laugh, cry, yell, whatever on either what happened to Noah or what good was happening with him at the moment. I basically stopped taking any ownership of anything and just assumed the way I was feeling was directly correlated to my child. Of course when you become a mother your child becomes the biggest part of your life however I made it my entire life- good, bad and ugly.
The truth about Noah is that lately he is thriving. He has been thriving for his whole life ( well maybe after the first week or so) but now that he is talking ( yesterday he said his first two word phrase "Get Chu, as in I am gonna get you")..... I feel like walking on clouds. Every single time he starts hitting new milestones my heart just about swells until it's going to burst. How did I deserve this miracle? But anyway... the fact of the matter is that despite this walk on clouds type feeling...I am still moody and angry, a lot.
So hear ya have it folks- it wasn't and isn't all about Noah. I am not 100% who I am because he suffered birth trauma 19.5 months ago. I am moody and angry because for one I have harbored anger towards my husband for far too long and for two, I need to do some heavy duty soul searching in order to find what it is that I have been hiding behind all these months.
Or perhaps I can just find some rose colored glasses
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