Blah

I am sorry that the last few posts aside from Noah's birthday invite's have been kind of negative. I have said it before, but I use this blog as sort of a journal and that is why I usually vent what is on my mind. I knew this time of year was going to be a little difficult and overall it has been mostly a blessing but I am still a human, with hormones! and so I do have my own inner struggle from time to time.

I know that from an outsiders perspective they may not really get why I am so stuck on last year, the best way I can describe it is that it was such a shock, and so painful, and I never really worked through it properly due to a bad case of post partum depression...and therefore it just lingered, and festered.

Sometimes I feel guilty and selfish because Noah is  to date, for lack of a better word, "neurotypical".  I often think that this alone should just shake me out of my fog, my hole, and make it all better. Life and human beings are much more complicated than that and so...it just isn't that easy.

I think a lot about the future, about when Noah is grown, how will I look back on this time? What will I have learned from him? How will it have shaped our family?

We went pumpkin picking this weekend, the weather was gorgeous ! I am so enjoying sharing all these little moments with Noah. Note the "theme" outfit ( of course), and his new "do", I cut his hair since it was getting sooooo long!