My baby, my little peanut, my first born itty bitty, where have you gone? Today I watch you play in the leaves and I see a little boy no longer a baby. I remember the pain and the anxiety of your first days, months...it is all such a blur that I don't remember your tiny toes, your sweet smell, your spiky hair. Thank God for pictures, those moments frozen for me to look back on, to reminisce. I miss that small baby, but I love this little boy.
Buggy Boy, with your crooked smile, your bald spot, your zest for breast feeding, you have become my Noah Boa with your toothy grin, your wild strawberry blonde hair, your picky eating habits.
This year, the past two years, when you grew inside of my belly, when I got to know your active nature, your strong kicks, when you emerged from me, screaming. I will never forget that moment. Daddy was crying, I looked to my left...and there you were. It was so weird Noah Boa, I could feel you attached to me still since the cord had not been cut. My son. I will not lie, I was stunned at first. That night 11-9-07 as it turned into 11-10-07 had been the most painful, and yet most exhilarating of my life. I wanted to cry with joy but I was in shock. I loved you, but you were still a stranger. We would not have proper introductions for some time.....
Joy turned to fear and then sorrow. Life handed us an unexpected reality. I was so sad, daddy was stunned. Mi Ma and grandpa were so supportive and such a loving force. I was selfish Noah Boa...but eventually love woke me up from my selfish fog and threw me into the selfless world known only as "motherhood".
Since you were conceived in February 2007, I have loved you, hoped for you, wished for you, and embraced you as my heart and my soul. I did not know all that lay before us...but I would not change a thing, because if I did...you wouldn't be "you".
Soon we will add to our family, three will become four. Thank you Noah Boa, mommy's Buggy Boy for paving the way and for showing us the beauty of parenthood and of unconditional love.
1 comment:
what a sweet letter to your baby boy. I like that nickaname, Noah Boa, it's cute.
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