Today as I drove to the mall I passed by the hospital where Noah was born. The maternity ward is a new addition on to the building and juts out over the highway, overlooking the hudson river. Had that glorious fall day in November of 07 been such a whirlwind of shock and emotion, my hospital room with it's breathtaking views of the river would have been amazing.
My delivery room was right next to the waiting room, which is a huge glass room at the end of the addition. I can see the room I gave birth in clearly from the highway and every time I go to target, the mall, or any one of the other various stores and supermarkets in that area i look up at it. I must say that I cry every.single.time. that I pass by the hospital. Sometimes tears of joy and thankfulness that my miracle is who he is today. Sometimes tears of sadness remembering back to those first moments when something went terribly, horribly, wrong. I have even changed doctors because I never want to deliver a baby there or step foot for that matter in that hospital, ever again.
Granted that hospital has a level 3 NICU, and maybe just maybe their quick action and treatment "saved" my baby...but I just hate that place, the smell, the sight, the sounds....
As the leaves turn, and the air becomes cool, it is becoming more and more apparent that fall is here and November is just around the corner. It's almost been a full year, this journey. Slowly I am letting go and opening up to the possibility that it *will* be *ok*.
No comments:
Post a Comment