The power of Ma Ma

I was talking with my boss yesterday who also happens to be a new mother. My first comment was that after a year I finally am starting to feel like me again. I don't think my situation is particularly unique, I mean in the beginning yes but now I probably feel the same emotions as all young mothers. Before I had Noah I always saw the frumpy, tired, ratty haired women in the mall, looking frazzled, miserable, tired.  I worked with a teacher who had a very young baby, she would come in looking like death warmed over- I felt sorry for her. Before you have kids you have no clue. All the things I said I wouldn't do- I've done and all the things I said I would do...not so much. You don't know what kind of parent you will be until you actually are one.

I have been toying with the idea of getting pregnant for awhile. I bounce back and forth between wanting to try soon and wanting to wait until August. My husband will pretty much never make a decision about when to procreate again so basically it's on me. I know I will never be financially ready, well not within the next 5 years anyway. Emotionally I have come leaps and bounds from where I was but am still scared shitless to go through another pregnancy and above all another labor and delivery. 

Noah is finally at an age and at a place where I thoroughly enjoy him, I love being with him, he makes me laugh and surprises me everyday. He is now sleeping for 6-7 hours at a time which is huge for us, he plays by himself, he is a little man.  As I was getting ready for work yesterday morning I suddenly thought how the hell would I do this with two?? With Noah running around and a baby strapped to me, would I lose my mind again after I finally found it? 

Motherhood is a powerful thing on so many levels. All I ever wanted to be was a mother and now that I am one I am flabbergasted in regards to how woman do it again, and again...and again! I look forward to brining another person into the world, just not sure how I will handle it! 

It's like jumping into a cold pool on a very hot day. You know it will be wonderful and so worth it, so you just have to take the plunge!